HONOLULU (KHON2) — The aloha spirit reaches even into dorm rooms at the University of Hawaiʻi at Mānoa, where new students often face the challenge of sharing space with someone they just met.
Macoa Mira, resident assistant for UH Mānoa student housing, knows the experience firsthand.
“I first became a resident assistant because I was having a really rough time my freshman year,” Mira said. “As a first-generation college student, navigating college was very different from how I navigated high school, and I really relied on my resident assistant to kind of help me figure out what path to take and how to kind of roll with the punches and the challenges that came with starting college.”
Mira explained that his motivation for becoming a resident assistant comes from his own first-year experience. He said he chose the role so he could offer students the kind of support he once relied on.
“I wanted to make sure that I could go ahead and pour what my RA poured into me and to other residents, to go ahead and help them navigate their freshman, year, especially those first-generation college students who have to face the same challenges as I did.” he said.
1. Starting with openness
One of Mira’s biggest lessons for students is to approach roommates with curiosity and openness.
“When you’re facing those challenges, one of the most important things to do is face it with an open mind,” he said. “It’s important to understand and remember that this is probably the first time you or your roommate has shared a room with a stranger in such close proximity. You’re basically learning new things about an entirely new person.”
He added that respecting different backgrounds can prevent tension that can typically kill a relationship.
He said it’s easiest to do this by “approaching them with more curiosity, wanting to learn more about them and why they do things.”
2. Setting expectations
To prevent conflicts before they start, residents are encouraged to set expectations early. Mira explained that early agreements help keep the peace.
“We have something called roommate agreements that you go ahead and coordinate with your as an assistant,” Mira said. “It’s basically just a document that helps outline what you guy’s expectations of living together are.”
Mira explained that successful roommate agreements come down to clear details and emphasized that setting expectations works best when they’re concrete.
“Making sure that certain things stay on different sides of the room. What cleanliness looks like. If you guys want to keep food trash in the room, maybe that’s going to be taken out every night. Maybe that’s going to be taken out every week.”
3. When problems come up
When problems do arise, students don’t have to handle them alone. Mira explained that resident assistants are there to step in when conflicts escalate.
“If you ever have issues with your roommates online, with your roommate agreement, or maybe even outside of that, you can always talk to your resident assistant as a resource,” he said. “If you’re finding that part difficult, or maybe you don’t know how to start that process, then we can go ahead and do roommate mediation for you.”
Still, Mira emphasized that the first step in resolving tension should always be an honest conversation. Before turning to formal mediation, he encouraged roommates to talk things through themselves.
“We want to make sure that you’re able to navigate in these situations on your own,” Mira said. “That roommate mediation is the last step.”
4. Learning to live together
He noted that building a connection starts with simple steps. For Mira, trust between roommates begins with open and consistent communication; and strong communication doesn’t have to be complicated.
“It’s okay not to be friends or best friends at your roommate right at the beginning of the year,” he said. “Go ahead and exchange phone numbers immediately in that first week so you guys can keep each other updated.”
Mira emphasized the importance of remembering that roommates are more than just the people you share a room with. He explained that understanding a roommate starts with recognizing their life beyond the shared space; and to avoid tension, Mira encouraged students to see the bigger picture.
“There’s so much more than your roommate,” Mira said. “They have a whole life outside of that room that you guys share together. You’re both students. You both have your own separate groups of friends. You have your separate groups of interests. Just learning those small things can kind of help you understand a little bit more about who they are when they step into the room.”
You can click here to learn about opportunities that can help you meet likeminded people on campus. You can click here to learn more about UH’s student housing facilities and opportunities.
Life on campus can be one of the most important experiences of your life; so, be sure to approach it with patience and intention and let this be the time of your life.