HONOLULU (KHON2) — In Hawaiʻi as of 2017, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that one in three women and one in four men have experienced domestic violence — sexual violence, physical violence and/or stalking — by an intimate partner.
If you think about all the women and men you know, then it becomes a bit disconcerting that one in three of your female friends and one in four of your male friends have suffered at the hands of someone they have loved.
Whether they told you about this is part of what we will be talking about in this piece. The stigmas of being targeted for violence by an intimate partner prevents many people from seeking help from friends, family or agencies/organizations.
The Domestic Violence Counts Report found in 2021 that in a single day 950 adult and keiki survivors were served with 58% of them seeking transitional housing. They also found that 42% of those were seeking children’s support and advocacy services.
The numbers are even more dire when we examine women and girls with Pacific Island heritage. The Asia Pacific Institute for Gender Based Violence found that this group of females are experiencing domestic violence at rate of 60-80%.
This means that 60-80% of the female Pacific Islanders, including kānaka maoli, that you know are experiencing or have experienced violence from an intimate partner.
In light of this, KHON2.com turned to Hawaiʻi’s Domestic Violence Action Center where we talked with Monique Ibarra, DVAC’s CEO.
DVAC has been a part of our community for more than 30 years.
“We originated as a grassroots organization to help the victims of domestic violence with legal services with legal information to help them to know what they needed to do to get services for such things as divorce proceedings, paternity proceedings, safety planning, restraining order hearings,” explained Ibarra. “There’s a gap in services in our community, and there still is a gap in our of community to help victims and survivors of domestic violence with legal services that they need.”
Ibarra explained that these services are integral in the lives of survivors to have freedom and peace mind in order to move on from a relationship that’s abusive.
While this is the bulk of what DVAC provides, Ibarra said that there is so much more to what DVAC does for community.
“I’ll say that, sadly, our services are very much needed,” lamented Ibarra. “Thirteen percent of the general adult population in Hawaiʻi report experiencing intimate partner violence at some point in their lives. Nationally, there’s nearly 20 people per minute that are physically abused by an intimate partner on average, which equates to more than 10 million victims each year.”
As you read this, you may be experiencing violence that you are ashamed to tell anyone about. You are not alone. Domestic violence impacts a large swath of society. It does not matter what economic class you are from, what ethnic group you are a part of or what social standing you may have.
Domestic violence continues to permeate all echelons of society.
“Domestic violence is not a respecter of persons,” said Ibarra. “When I say that domestic violence is in every single one of our communities and every single one of our islands in every single one of our states and in every single country in the world, domestic violence is that prevalent and pervasive in our communities. So, it really doesn’t matter what your socio-economic background might be or the amount of support you have or have not.”
Ibarra went to explain that it doesn’t matter what kind of college degrees you have or whether you don’t think there’s domestic violence in every community.
“The difference between the different communities is that there are some that may have the resources such as finances to be able to reach out and hire an attorney if they need one to help them with the restraining order, hearing or divorce,” Ibarra continued. “But there’s other communities that don’t have those types of resources and they don’t have the ability to reach out for legal services or social services.”
These are the individuals, Ibarra pointed out, that need the assistance that DVAC and other community organizations can offer to them, to help them with their safety planning and to obtain a life that is free from domestic violence.
“So it is in every community; it’s just a difference of resources in that community for the individual seeking services,” added Ibarra.
One of the more distressing trends that comes from the prevalence of domestic violence is the number of people who are driven to homelessness simply as a means of protecting themselves or their children from the violence.
Ibarra explained that abusive relationships and intimate partner violence holds a lot of stigma and shame for those who are experiencing it.
“There is shame involved when we speak that we might have an abusive relationship,” explained Ibarra. “I say that because when individuals enter into a relationship or have, spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, they love that person; and it’s really hard to tell someone in the family or friends that that person is now being abusive to them.”
This shame traps those people in a cycle of abuse that few are able to escape. It is due to this that it makes it much more challenging to seek help and get help because it’s embarrassing.
“Oftentimes, people don’t believe or they minimize the domestic violence that might be happening,” Ibarra pointed out. Sometimes, people don’t even realize that they’re in an abusive relationship; and then, once they reach out to individuals to get information, oftentimes it just opens up a world for them of information that they can get to get safety planning and to be free from that relationship if they want.”
But shame due to the abuse is one thing. The self-generated shame over continuing to be in the relationship is another factor that keeps people frozen in abuse. As a society, we like to take our anger over the abuse or the perpetrator and place it squarely on the shoulders of the victim.
Is this a vestige of our feudal past when our ancestors were unable to criticize the powerful, so they despised the victims? Is it a vestige of Rome’s move to enslave women, stripping them of the citizenship that many women around the world have only just regained in the last century or so?
“Oftentimes victims of domestic events stay with their abusive partner for very several reasons which makes it difficult to reach out and seek assistance in our community,” said Ibarra. “One thing that we can do if we realize or we have a thought that one of our loved ones, our family members, perhaps a friend or a colleague is going through an abusive situation is just to believe them, to be there for them, to see how they’re doing, build their relationship with them, offer information or assistance to resources that are available in the community.”
Ibarra explained that in some cases, the victims of abuse are in such dangerous situations that they don’t even have free access to their phones or computers, drastically limiting their opportunities and ability to seek help.
Domestic violence does not only impact cis gender heterosexual relationships. Abuse in the 2SLGBTQ+ community is as prevalent as it is in other communities.
“There are male victims of domestic violence,” said Ibarra. “DVAC does have a few clients who are male or identify as male. We also have a program that works with the LGBTQIA+ community as well to offer services to them because again, when we talk about domestic violence, it is in every community.”
For those experiencing domestic violence in our 2SLGBTQ+ community, DVAC has a program and a project to reach out and seek individuals who are dealing with abusive relationships in this community as well.
“But” Ibarra points out, “we’ve got more work to do in those communities.”
She explained that when you are in a marginalized community, seeking help is much more difficult.
“When we talk about domestic violence being a stigma and being shameful for people, I would believe that it’s even more so for individuals in the LGBTQIA+ community because they’re already dealing with the shame, perhaps, or the stigma of being in the community. So, it adds another layer and makes it much harder for that community to reach out and seek assistance because they may not want to be even judged further than what they may already be, what may already be happening.”
Domestic Action Center has a legal helpline that has been open from the beginning. It’s a route that individuals can take to seek help and to get information.
“Our helpline gets on average 8 to 10 calls per day from individuals who are seeking information help or also applying for services at the Domestic Violence Action Center,” added Ibarra.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, the first thing to know is that you are not alone, regardless of how it feels. You can contact DVAC for help. Click here.
For acute situations, it is always advisable to call 911. But that does not always help. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233. You can also click here for a list of local services to access for help.
A follow up piece is coming next week to discuss the impact of domestic violence on contributing to the growing number of homeless in Hawaiʻi.